Feb 8

the regreening of needless joy

hello everyone.
today i’m fasting. well — i’m on day three of a five-day fast.

why am i fasting? i have no idea. the voice inside told me to, and i listened.

i started thursday night around 10pm, and now it’s sunday afternoon. so i’m somewhere right in the middle of it. my nose is a little congested, but overall i feel pretty good. clear, even.

one thing i’m noticing is how fasting concentrates energy. i’m moving slower, but more decidedly. more intentionally. my body feels… essentialized. like i’m getting back in touch with who i am at a base level, without anything added. just water, salt, electrolytes. table salt, celtic salt. whatever the youtube doctors say is best.

there’s still an itchiness in my psyche i thought fasting might immediately clarify. maybe that comes later. maybe autophagy hasn’t fully kicked in yet — whatever that really means. i’m learning as i go.

but i have had revelations.

mostly, it’s been about getting back in touch with my genuine soul. remembering why i came to this planet in the first place. and i keep arriving at the same thing: play.

my mission has something to do with embracing the inner child. whimsy. joy. enjoying myself without justification. letting myself love what i love — disney songs, videos of people making soup, cleaning out the kitchen cabinet — whatever sparks delight in this particular here and now.

i think the ultimate purpose of spirituality is liberation. and liberation, to me, is joyful. real freedom is being able to be joyful no matter what’s happening around you. no matter who’s grumpy, upset, throwing tantrums, or caught in their own weather systems.

you don’t have to get dragged into the unbearable fluctuations of the world. because the truth is: the world is impermanent. everything passes. pain doesn’t last. happiness doesn’t last. what people suffer over today won’t be the same tomorrow. what people celebrate today will change too.

joy is something deeper than happiness or sorrow. joy is the awareness of being itself. it doesn’t even need a person. it’s just… here.

you’re not a body that has awareness. you’re awareness wearing a body. this temporary, beautiful instrument for exploring sensation, attachment, aversion, confusion, love. the body is a teacher.

so whether you’re fasting or feasting, exercising or exhausted, it doesn’t really matter. the real question is: can you find joy here? can you touch the joy that’s already present, regardless of circumstance?

there are still things i want to do in this body. ideas i want to explore. but it’s not about need. need is a survival word. when you know what you are — this divine everything, this divine nothing — you realize you need very little. maybe nothing at all.

and from that place, you’re free. free to be as you like. to do as you please. paradoxically, when you stop worrying, life leads you into the most joyful situations anyway.

needless joy. that’s what i want — for myself, and for others. though others are part of myself too. when i cultivate needless joy here, it ripples outward.

i hear birds chirping outside my window. i feel spring approaching. a regreening. a reawakening. something soft and alive returning.

fasting feels like a bodily metaphor for that — moving through winter into spring. letting yourself be empty so you can be full again. though emptiness and fullness aren’t really so different. touch one deeply, and you find the other.

so here’s to needless joy, forever and always. happy new year!

with infinite love,
thank you